It was hard beginning this blog. A part of me so desperately wants to communicate with others and make a positive impact on their lives through the word of God, but then there’s doubt and fear that cause me to retreat.
God has been nudging my heart for years to follow the calling He has placed on my heart. I’m a story teller. I love to tell stories of how God has provided for me and protected me and loved me through some of the hardest days of my life. The Bible is full of those kind of stories.
God is so good. He wants me to be His story teller. He wants me to tell others of His goodness. He wants me to share His word. He wants me to encourage and uplift His people. I cannot allow the fear of not being perfect enough or not being equipped enough to paralyze me and keep me from being who God created me to be. I cannot allow the “what if’s” to consume me. God reminds me in 2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.(ESV) God isn’t expecting me to be perfect. He expects me to be present.
I was just listening to Sheila Walsh’s book “It’s Okay Not to be Okay” on Audible. Sheila was telling the story of missionary Jim Elliot and his wife, Elisabeth. Jim and four missionary friends had a passion to share the Gospel of Christ to the Auca indians in Ecuador. The Auca were dangerous killers. Jim and the other four men lowered supplies to the Auca from a plane until they felt comfortable enough to allow themselves to be lowered onto the beach. Some Auca came out of the trees with spears raised. Jim considered grabbing his gun, but these missionaries had promised they wouldn’t kill an unsaved Auca just to save themselves. All five men died that day. Jim lived by a belief he patterned after Luke 9:24…“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
Jim’s wife, Elisabeth, and their 10-month old daughter were left alone in a foreign country. There were many “what if’s” going through Elisabeth’s mind. However, Elisabeth believed God had sent them there on a mission and there was still work to do. The job wasn’t finished. Elisabeth admitted she was consumed by fear. Every time she wanted to step out in faith, fear prevented her. The “what if’s” were overwhelming. Then a friend told her “why don’t you do it afraid?” Elisabeth was inspired. She went on to finish the job her husband and others died for reaching the tribes of Ecuador, including the Auca. Elisabeth and her daughter even moved in with these people for two years. Many came to faith in Christ, including each and every one of the Auca who had killed the missionaries.
“What if” Elisabeth had of allowed fear to win the day?
I realize that most of my fear and anxiety comes from wanting to know the outcome before going into something. I need to be assured of success. Life can’t always be that way, especially the way God operates. As Christians, we are to live by faith. God says “Trust me. I know the outcome.”
So. Here I am Lord. Present. You take it from here.